spayed or nuetured

My wife read my last writings and said "let me tell you honey, those diary things you're posting just ain't that dang funny", so I said "why don't you top it, smartass, if you think you can", and thats when I got hit in the head with the fryin pan! I laughed so hard I "peed" my pants, so now I'm on the computer, because where she kicked me next, I might be "spayed or nuetured!!!